You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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