Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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