It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
