piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
