never play flip cup with pint glasses
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
