I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
