I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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