if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think my vagina is haunted
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
