..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
