Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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