Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
