I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
