just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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