How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
