I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
