i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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