I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
