a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize