Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
