It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
