love makes seman taste better
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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