Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
