maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
