I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
