I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
