I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
