does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
