Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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