I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
