I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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