i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
