Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize