your thong is hanging out like whoa
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Someone came in the potted fern
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
