My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
too bad you live with your parents still
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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