a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
