dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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