your parents love me but you hate me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone signed my nipple.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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