you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
