How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
