I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
