The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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