If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
