I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
3pm strippers are depressing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
