I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize