just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
