don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
