I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
