Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a search helicopter?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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