If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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