Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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