my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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