One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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