I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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