I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
