They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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