my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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