i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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