a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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