The maid of honor just puked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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