so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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