I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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