it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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