you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
