I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
