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I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
