Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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