So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
