i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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