my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
