Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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